o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
