I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
