I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
