I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
