i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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