i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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