textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I checked into jail on foursquare
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
