i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
