I intend to get homeless drunk
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
