Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
