so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
