I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
