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Me too!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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