if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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