I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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