The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize