I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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