I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
