My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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