He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
