i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
