Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
