never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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