it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
