Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
MIDGETS
????
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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