conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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