I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize