I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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