so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
