Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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