We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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