Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Randomize
