"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
