Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
