oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
