I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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