Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
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