He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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