there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
