After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i think i have two assholes
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
