He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
