How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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