I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
