I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
