guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
