I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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