wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
