Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
