Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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