i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
