xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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