I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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