yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
