The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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