Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
