I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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