Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
