What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
