is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
