Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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