he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
someone owes me an orgasm
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
