I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
