I wannas sexs uuuuu
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize