Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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