I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
