The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize