Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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