I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
