Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
