I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
