Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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