This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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