Already got asked if we're dating
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
