How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Send help, water and tortillas.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
