I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
