My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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