I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
